I feel like shit

No school because of snow. This social-worker-woman will be talking to HER (mother) tomorrow............ only HER. I've been biting every bit of fingernail that I have off. I look like shit... my eating habits want to skyrocket + explode from this stress + anxiety, but since I've actually been around people (esp. males) lately my restricting, self-destructive, hateful, punishing side has come out and doesn't want me to eat a damn thing............ Mia when I'm alone, then Ana when I'm in times of dealing with others. I hate people. I want to die........ My anxiety's been o.k., better lately, really, but my depression has been terrible. I get so pissed because I don't want to do anything & the very, very few things I could stand to do BEFORE I went away to placement no longer work for me... I think I'm losing my mind. Nothing is holding any real interest for me & I have felt this low before but not for this long, this many consecutive days. I've been thinking of cutting just to feel something, so I'm not numb, but that seems so.... wrong...... I have, though, taken to taking pills. Nothing bad, I do like to feel my heart race though.... Makes me feel like an actual being, not a fat, doughy, stupid, piece of shit blob :(