My problem

is that I'm way too good at being a fatty. New fucking commitment- go one fucking week with no sweet/salty junk food. That in itself will be a huge accomplishment for me.
:\ I've kind of gotten side tracked on being thin. Honestly, I can't ever remember being skinny; always fat. My mother cramming food down my throat instead of anything even closely resembling affection or normal human emotion. Foodfoodfood. That's it. This week, if I can go 7 damn days with no crap food (which, just having to set this goal is pathetic & proves my fatass mind-set, since people who actually HAVE willpower set a goal for twice as long to eat nothing and drink only water), I can f'in binge on veggies that add up to 5 billion calories. Hell, I can gain some pounds (ugh!), I'll try anyway just to finally rid myself of these horrible, weak-minded, pathetic cravings for weakness.
Also, I think everyone is now officially off of my back..... they don't think I cut or purge which is good :)
Alsoalso, I've gotten rid of yet another therapist. I'm too damn picky... :(

Soooooooo.....

(WARNING: ramblings ahead.)

Didn't go to school again.... I keep freaking the fuck out. I had a meeting with a new therapist yesterday. It went really well, he's probably my favorite psycho-person I've seen yet. :) We were talking about whether or not he'd have to tell my mother about CURRENT SI, even though I had lied & told him I hadn't SIed in 2+ months.... Anyway, he said he'd consult someone & since she already knew that I had cut before & since cutting is an actual coping skill & not a way of doing actual damage to myself & isn't a sign of me wanting to kill myself, he'd may be able to talk to me about it & her not find out about it.
So, that went well.......... I'm actually craving cooked cabbage right now....... :\ I think I'll type up some more later. Right now I have more blog reading to do :]